I'm Your Handyman

Steph & I have just celebrated our tenth year of marital bliss. Considering the differences in our personalities it’s a wonder we ever got together in the first place, much less survived this long. But some say that our differences make the world go ‘round. In that case it’s easy to see why we have been spinning so wildly all these years.
Like many women, Steph is a big time nester. She is a) extremely proud of our home & always seeks ways to improve it, or b) diabolically consumed & obsessed with thoughts of home improvement, depending on your perspective. In comparison, I am a) glad to keep up with the basics of home maintenance but generally satisfied with the home we live in, or b) lazy, thoughtless & apathetic about anything to do with the house, depending on your perspective.
For example, Steph’s nesting instincts lead her believe we need eleven pillows on our bed. There’s also the one she keeps under the bed that she uses for actual sleeping. For some reason it doesn’t make the cut with all the others. We also have approximately 427 other pillows in various locations throughout our house. These are called throw pillows, however you are not allowed to throw them as Willie & I have learned.
I’m not always on the same page as Steph concerning what needs to be done around the house. But with a few slow days between camps & recruiting trips, I wanted to do something nice for her. So I decided to surprise her with a little improvement project on our master bathroom. The rollers on the shower door were broken so it needed replacing and the caulking needed to be redone. Also the shower head needed replacing. So I leave the office early & get all my supplies at Home Depot. I figure the project will take me the whole rest of the day, maybe a little longer.
I get home & get right to it. I rip out the old shower door first & then the old caulk. I start putting in the new door which requires a bit of measuring & cutting. About this time Steph gets home with the kids & the bathroom is a wreck. There are parts & tools & dust everywhere but I am clearly making progress. I expect to hear something like, “Oh, Jay…thanks so much for doing this. You are the best…this is awesome!” Instead I get a look that says, ”You are an idiot & I will kill you with a blunt instrument tonight as you sleep.” You see, I bought a frosted glass shower door to replace the old one that had clear glass. In case you didn’t know, if you have frosted glass in your shower door, you are an idiot too. Hate to be so harsh, but that’s just what you are. Don’t feel bad, I didn’t know either.
So now she’s beside herself & my feelings are hurt. Not to mention that I am about four hours into my project with no end in sight. What would take my dad about two hours to do looks like it will take me quite a bit longer. I did inherit some of his vast handyman skills but really only enough to get myself in trouble. So I plug away despite the negative energy clouding the project & at the end of the day there is still a mess in the bathroom & the door is installed but the new caulk & touchup paint have yet to be applied.
The next day we took the kids to Six Flags for a little getaway. No problem I thought. I’d just finish the job when we got back before I had to leave town on a recruiting trip. Sadly, my grandfather passed away while we were gone which necessitated a trip to Mississippi & another quick trip back to Nashville. Then I left for my trip-still no working shower. Steph was forced to shower in the guest room during the whole week I was gone.
At this point she had called Rick, a contractor friend who has bailed me out of a couple failed do-it-myself projects before. But he’s got a job going & doesn’t get a chance to make it by. So, finally back from my recruiting trip I am determined to finish. After three trips to Home Depot (can’t get the right color caulk) & countless messes made, I finally get done. I even figure out a way to salvage the glass from the old doors to use with the parts from the new door. Basically I spent a couple hundred bucks on four little rollers that I could have probably bought for about five dollars. Steph had by this point told me that the frosted glass wasn’t so bad & that she could live with it. But anybody who’s ever been married knows exactly what that means.
At 10:00 one night, three weeks after starting my project, I declare victory & Steph even has to admit that I had done a good job despite taking so long. It wasn’t perfect but at least Rick hadn’t had to come to the rescue. I went to bed feeling satisfied that we hadn’t had to pay anybody to do it & that I was finally over. The next morning Steph takes a shower & afterwards there is a huge puddle of water on the bathroom floor. Initially I am crushed but I spot the problem & quickly fix it with the caulk gun. Good thing too, because I was leaving again that day on another recruiting trip & may not have been allowed back in the house upon my return.
As a result of this latest project I have been placed on home improvement probation indefinitely & have been banned from ever buying anything for the house without first consulting Steph. Fine by me, but somebody needs to fix the kitchen sink. In all seriousness, Steph does a remarkable job of making our house a home. Anyone that knows her knows that making it nice is one of her passions. If you have ever been here you know she does a wonderful job and often does a lot with a little. She even does it all despite the fact that I am her #1 handyman.